A TARDIS Too Many
by redqueensang
Summary: A humorous alternate version of the Comic Relief short with a TARDIS in a TARDIS...except in this story, the second TARDIS is actually from an alternate universe, and controlled by the Ninth Doctor and his companion, Amy Pond. Hijinks, short skirts, flirting and slaps inside!


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who. I just play in the sandbox.

**Author's Note:** I just needed some cracky humorous funtimes to counteract all the death and angst going on elsewhere in my fics, so...voila!

* * *

It was a nice day in the Vortex. Well, it was as nice as any day in the Vortex could be, the Doctor whistling a jaunty tune as he indulged in his favourite hobby - tinkering with the TARDIS. He should have made a game of that on Gallifrey, it would have sold like hotcakes, parents wanting their Tme Tots to get a jump on temporal mechanics while the kids just had fun playing with Tiny TARDII. Time Tots Tinkering With Tiny TARDII. Try saying that five times fast.

Just as he was considering how on would go about miniaturising the Eye of Harmony, he heard a very familliar voice.

"Hey," Amy Pond said from above him, causing the Doctor to slide out from under the console.

"Hey!" The Doctor replied, sliding back under the console just as quickly, only to be pulled back out a second later.

"Listen, can we talk?" Amy said, looking down at him with hazel eyes. That kind of look in a companion's eyes only got him in trouble. So, he did the logical thing, and passed the buck. "_Rory!_" He thought he was done and slid back under the console, only to be viciously pulled from his tinkering yet again.

"No, shut up. I've just got a question, that's all." Amy said in a slightly softer voice, obviously not wanting to be overheard. Definite trouble then.

Just then, Rory's voice filtered up from beneath the glass floor. "You okay up there?"

"Yeah, fine." The Doctor replied. "No problem."

Amy suddenly had a whole other host of questions, as she peered down at her husband who was wearing some ridiculous goggles. "What are you doing?"

"Helping The Doctor?" Rory replied, looking up through the floor at her, and then back to his work. "It's humming, is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine, we're just entering conceptual space." The Doctor said, sliding out from under the console again. "Imagine a banana...or anything curved. Actually, don't because it's not curved or anything like a banana. Forget the banana!"

Amy Pond had her hands on her hips then. "Is he helping you fly the TARDIS?"

The Doctor didn't answer, instead, got up to move over to where Rory was. "Attach thermocouplings two, seven, and eleven like I showed you."

"How come he gets a go and you never let me have a go?" Amy demanded.

"Doctor? Don't, seriously, don't. I let her drive my car once." Rory put in from where he was now sitting up, still wearing his nifty TARDIS repair goggles.

Amy scoffed at this. "Yeah, to the end of the road."

"Yeah," Rory agreed. "Where, according to Amy, there was an unexpected house."

"He's jealous because I passed my test first time." Amy said, with her best angelic smile.

"You cheated," Rory argued. "You wore a skirt."

Amy shook her head, and by this time The Doctor was wondering what possessed him to travel with married companions. "I didn't wear a skirt." Of course, then The Doctor had to look up at Amy and her skirt.

"Luck would have worked too." Rory scoffed from beneath the floor.

"No," Amy said suddenly, remembering. "No, I did wear a skirt, but it was any old skirt."

"You ever see Amy drive, Doctor?" Rory asked, installing thermocoupling two.

"No!" The Doctor shouted from across the console above.

"Neither did her driving examiner." Rory replied, just as Amy had an epiphany.

"Actually, it was this one." Amy replied as she moved about between her boys, keeping up the conversation. "It was this skirt." And then, the TARDIS lurched and the warm interior went oddly green, all thoughts of skirts forgotten. "What was that?"

And then the Doctor began to panic. "_Rory_!" He shouted. "Did you drop a thermocoupling?"

Rory looked down at the last thermocoupling, and his voice stuttered out, "S...sorry?"

"How did you do that? I _told_ you don't drop them. I specifically mentioned not dropping."

Amy, for her part, looked abashed. "It...it was my fault."

"Of course it wasn't your fault." The Doctor reassured her.

"It kinda...kinda was her fault." Rory defended himself, agreeing with his wife. If she was going to take the rightful blame, he didn't mind.

The Doctor was beside himself as he set to trying to fix the mystery...and the lights. "How can it be her fault?"

Amy rolled her eyes at her daft Raggedy Doctor. "Because it was my skirt and my husband and your glass floor."

It took the Doctor a moment, looking between Amy, the glass floor, and Rory in confusion, before he got it. "Oh, _Rory."_ He said, in slight disgust.

"Sorry." Rory said again.

"Well, we've landed." The Doctor said, not wanting to put any more thought to Amy, Rory, glass floors and short skirts. "Emergency rematerialisation should have locked on to the safest space available." He typed and moved around the console at quite a quick speed, finally hitting the lever to turn the lights back on, only for the lot of them to move around the console in amazement to what they found: A TARDIS inside a TARDIS.

"Doctor, what's happened?" A suddenly soft-voiced Amy asked, worried.

"The safest spot available. The TARDIS has materialised inside itself." The Doctor replied.

"Is that supposed to happen?" Rory asked as the Doctor moved down the stairs toward the police box.

"Take a guess." The Doctor offered.

"Uh, no?" Rory replied.

"That's the one." The Doctor replied, reaching out and touching the familiar blue exterior.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked.

"I've absolutely no idea." The Doctor replied, just as he reached for the door, however, it popped open, and out walked...Amy. Amy wearing a black leather jacket, a denim skirt just as short as the troublemaking one, and a bright green jumper. "Not Diadem, but very, _very_ interesting." She announced.

The Doctor found himself looking between the two Ponds in amazement. "How'd you...but...that's...impossible!"

A moment later, a tall man in a deep red jumper and black pants, with surprisingly big ears stepped out. "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

For his part, the Doctor with the bow-tie looked flummoxed and looked between the Amy behind him and the Amy in front of him. "Oh, that's not right at all." He straightened his bow-tie and looked at himself. "No, I'm the Doctor."

"Are you?" Jumper asked, as only his ninth incarnation could, looking about.

"I am." He replied. "Eleven! And you're Nine!" He turned back to his companions. "I was a looker, wasn't I?"

"Bow tie." Nine's Amy replied, wrinkling her nose. "Ick."

"Oi, Pond!" Eleven replied. "Bow ties are cool!"

"So how did this happen?" Nine asked, looking at the group.

"Rory dropped a thermocoupling while we were entering conceptual space, must have caused a breach between universes." Eleven replied. "Because I know _I_ never travelled with Pond in that body."

"So we have to find a way to separate the TARDII back into their normal universes." Nine observed.

"Exactly, or the temporal bubble could collapse, sealing us inside, and we'd end up with two Amy Ponds forever, and _then _ what would we do?" Eleven replied.

Nine looked at his Amy the same time Rory looked at his, and as one, the two girls from two separate universes reacted in unison by slapping the two men.

As Rory and the Ninth Doctor were recovering, the two Amys apparently decided to have a discussion of their own. "Do I really look like that?" Rory's Amy asked, looking her other self over.

Despite herself, Nine's Amy smirked. "Yeah, yeah, you do."

"Hmm, I'd give you a driving license." Amy hummed thoughtfully.

"Oh, I bet you would." Amy replied, with a little swish of her head.

"Ughhh, this is how it all ends, Pond, flirting with herself, true love at last." Eleven muttered from the top of the stairs. He then remembered her husband beside him, and apologised. "Oh, sorry Rory."

"Absolutely no problem at all." Rory replied, still transfixed by the sight of the two Amys. The one in the leather coat waved at him a little. "Hi, Rory."

"Hi, Amy." Rory said, waving back a little dumbly, ignoring the glare Nine gave him.

"Thermocoupling short?" Nine asked, getting down to business.

"Rory dropped one." Eleven replied, as the leather-jacketed Amy explored. "Could you kindly stand _still_, Pond!"

"Oh look, even with the baby-face and the bow-tie, you can still be Mr. Grumpyface." Amy replied, but she jumped down the stairs and resumed her place by the other TARDIS anyway.

"So, if we use the secondary force converters, and phase through the skin of the bubble while you correct the short from your console..." Nine began.

"Then we should both enter normal space in our respective universes, and the crack should snap shut behind you." Eleven finished.

"I like the glass floor, can we have a glass floor?" Nine's Amy questioned him. "The grating is nice and all, but it's killer."

Nine pulled out his sonic and handed it to her. "Go start the rotor, would you, Amy? Put the temporal phase converters on setting Gamma Alpha Romeo 7-6."

Nine's Amy took the sonic with a grin, knowing a lack of a no probably meant yes, disappearing into the second TARDIS.

"She gets to help fly the TARDIS?" Amy asked, looking at the Eleventh doctor in shock. "How come the other Amy gets to help fly the TARDIS?"

"Fantastic meeting you!" Nine said with a large, almost manic grin that went all the way up to his ears and eyes, before anyone could say anything else, and disappeared into his TARDIS.

"Rory, fix that thermocoupling short by hitting the rotary lever!" Eleven ordered as the other TARDIS began to phase. With a bit of a bump and a shake as the TARDIS released iself, Eleven let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"Brilliant, we're back in normal flight. There is no longer a TARDIS inside a TARDIS, the localised universal breach will have shut itself, and the universe is no longer about to implode...but just in case...Pond, put some trousers on and maybe I'll let you set our next coordinates."


End file.
